Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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