last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
where are you?
Hypothermia
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
