Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
