Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
What a dumb baby whore.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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