I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Randomize
