It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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