Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
