I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
