you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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