I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
