I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize