Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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