I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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