Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
