i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
she pinky promised me she was 18
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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