i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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