Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
