if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
