i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
