I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Randomize
