If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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