Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
