I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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