What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
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