i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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