I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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