Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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