So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
