i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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