Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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