does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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