i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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