There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
