saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
