you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
