It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
