My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I think I just shit out all my problems.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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