well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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