They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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