her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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