Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
