So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
