Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
