Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
