I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
