just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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