i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize