Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
