For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
