You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize