If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
