1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
