We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
