I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
