Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
