I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
