Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
