I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
