The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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