my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
