Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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