Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
