remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
