I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
