I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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