What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
