Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
