at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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